


Goodbyes

by Izzu



Category: BBC Drama, Doctor Who, Sarah Jane Adventures, Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-25
Updated: 2012-02-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 06:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzu/pseuds/Izzu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>End of Time. Realising that his life was about to reach another end, the Doctor decided that he needed to take a look at the things he had done, as well as said his proper goodbyes to the ones that mattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Doctor

_"The man who abhors violence, never carrying a gun, but this is the truth, Doctor: you take ordinary people and you fashion them into weapons... behold your Children of Time, transformed into murderers."  
_  
It was an odd recollection to recall at times like this. Then again, it was only a few minutes ago that he almost felt a burst of indescribable rage towards Wilfred Noble for stupidly entering the isolation chamber where it was unlikely for him to escape unscathed.  
  
And indirectly... led _him_ into a path of destruction. He would _still_ die today. Wilfred Noble would be the death of him... the death of his tenth incarnation...  
  
The Doctor hastily shook his head. No... it was _not_ Wilf's fault. It had been an honour—no, it _was_ an honour—to sacrifice his life for someone like Wilf. Wilf, like the many companions he had in the past; was as important as the most closest people in his heart. His family. It did not matter who would have been inside that chamber—no matter who they are, he would have risked his own life all the same. Just to save them. No matter who they are; Susan, Rose, Donna, Martha, Mickey, Sarah-Jane, the many other companions he had in his past incarnations... Jack—oh, even Jack. No matter who they are... if he could have _just_ save them, he would not mind laying his life down for them.  
  
Yet... a part inside of him still felt bitter.  
  
He recalled the time Harriet Jones had called on Torchwood to shoot down the Sycorax ship, when he found out the real reason that organisation was created. He recalled Queen Victoria. And he still remembered how he felt when he found out that Jack ended up leading Torchwood as its head. He recalled Martha trying to threaten Davros and the Supreme Dalek to back off using the Osterhagen Key, back during that time when Earth and the twenty-six other planets were stolen. The horror he felt when he realised what kind of monstrosity had been built by humans without his knowing. And most of the people who had taken arms were the ones he have met in _this_ incarnation, as well as the one _before_...  
  
"Doctor? Doctor...? Are you all right?"  
  
He looked up to see the old man watching him with worry. The Doctor smiled weakly.  
  
Ah, silly him. In an attempt to try divert his mind from the pain welling inside his body, his mind had wandered off towards the darker recesses of his mind. He shook his head. No, he should not let these bitter thoughts to remain inside of him. If he was to die, he would not allow this bitterness inside his heart to manifest itself into his next incarnation as well.  
  
Perhaps because in this current incarnation, he had more companions—knew more people—who ended up influencing his life and sacrificing a lot for his sake; doing many good and bad and many other things in between, that it became a bit hard for him to let go. Coupled with his many past memories of his past _other_ selves... yes, he had lived too long.  
  
Despite the things some of his former companions had done... certainly they have done something good as well? Sarah-Jane for example, she continued fighting and protecting everyone even after they have parted ways. And Jack, he did say that he has rebuilt Torchwood anew... with the intention of _supporting_ him—instead of its original purpose. Also, these past years... Torchwood had done a lot of good, protecting the Earth in his absence. Despite the losses, Jack really did himself well. Martha also did her best—there was a reason on why he recommended her to UNIT. Not forgetting Harriet Jones, despite what happened between them... she did not turned out so bad either. Without her, they would not have succeeded in recovering Earth and the other planets during _that_ time. And Martha _did_ tell him before they last parted that Harriet told Martha to not use the Osterhagen key, meaning that perhaps _finally_ that former prime minister understood his ideals and thinking. That using aggressiveness was not the way to solve things...  
  
Despite some of the bad choices he and his former companions have made, there were still many good things that they have achieved. Right?  
  
The Doctor coughed as he tried to mask his true feelings in order to not draw Wilf's concern towards him. Yet, as he tried to focus on taking the TARDIS towards the Noble's residence... he felt Wilfred's arm, wrapping his body in a half hug. He cried a little bit... before holding it back in.  
  
" _It's not fair!"  
_  
Perhaps in this current incarnation, he tried _too hard_ to take the full burden of the sins, his guilts... and everything that happened since that first time he ran off with the TARDIS. Perhaps that was why he felt mostly reluctant to continue on living like this. Or that he was reluctant to let go of his former companions—he rarely actually looked up on the former companions before this life after he left them; spare Sarah-Jane but that was mostly because he met Sarah-Jane again by coincidence, Rose and Jack were another matter—it was a bit trying to try reconnect again with different faces and personalities...  
  
Not all of his past companions had ended out well after meeting him. While some still did some good, having their lives changed after meeting him; some... had lost their lives directly and _indirectly_ because of him. And like Donna, some of them continued to live... and died, no longer remembering him. Perhaps...  
  
He knew that he should not have blamed himself too much, yet he _did_ feel like he should. Sometimes, things were just _meant_ to happen that way. Same as the way his current incarnation would end soon. Sometimes he could accept that happening, sometimes he could not.  
  
Perhaps he needed to let everything go... start things anew. Even though yes, he was afraid... at some point if he had wanted to die or not, he was still not sure what his feelings was about this.  
  
And regenerating was a nasty business— _still is_ —doing it over and over again would never feel all right. Especially with the current him... the many burden he has carried, how much energy and backlash would have been released this time?  
  
He did not speak much after sending Wilf back, partially because he felt awkward seeing Sylvia's sudden friendly manner... as well as to avoid meeting Donna again. Yet...  
  
" _...Where are you going?"_  
_  
To get my reward..._ , he said to the old man, before closing the TARDIS door behind him. Even as he started the TARDIS to leave the place... he wondered what actually was the _reward_ he looked for?  
  
The Doctor closed his eyes as he tried to estimate the amount of time he could set aside the pain inside his body from his mind until the point it would be so unbearable that he could not stall his regeneration process any longer. Not much time. He sighed.  
  
Perhaps he could do what usually happens to humans when they were about to die. People always say that their whole life would start to flash before them just moments before their deaths. Perhaps he should go back looking for his past companions. To see how meeting him have changed and affected their lives, to give the _next_ him a new perspective on how _they_ would continue this _ridiculously_ long lifespan of a Time Lord. Or maybe to _just_ see them one more time.   
  
A different way to continue carrying on _their_ burden of the past. To regain back his hope and faith on the things that _he_ have done...  
  
Yes, he would do that. That would be his reward. His legacy. That aside, it should not hurt for him to—kind of—say his goodbyes to all of his companions. Not just the ones that he had known during _this_ incarnation. He owed so many people of that, he was never so good with goodbyes after all... and often skipped out from doing it.  
  
Even though, tracking down every single companions he has ever had—that were still alive, then again he had a bloody Time Machine who cares about that? But he did need to be careful about avoiding from meeting his past selves—might prove a bit tricky at the moment, he thought as he stared at the TARDIS's records. He would need to be careful with his time, there were _a lot_  of places to cover...


	2. Martha, Mickey and Sarah Jane Smith

Honestly judging by the order of companions he had in this current incarnation, Rose should be the first on the list. Yet... he could not exactly see her right away and of every companion he ever had, Rose was the only one he would rather not say goodbye too soon. So... after Rose, there was Martha.  
  
It seemed strange that things have turned up like this. Mickey was originally Rose's boyfriend and he had unthinkingly led Martha to fall in love with him. Then again he had always in some ways made most of his female companions enamoured by himself but he never really paid attention to it too much. It was only after Martha—well, actually meeting Sarah-Jane again had made him realise it but in her case; he did love her in that same degree—that he realised that perhaps he did went overboard. In the past, he always tried to avoid these kinds of complication—or ran away if it seemed to get worse—but perhaps because of his current appearance, it really,  _really_  get complicated.  
  
And it was not just Martha that he felt a bit guilty about, it was Mickey too. In a way, he _did_ take away Rose from him... and even if right now Rose _was_ with his other self—it still did not change the fact that he took away Mickey's girlfriend from him. Fancy that. Yet it was odd to think that Martha and Mickey would end up together. Considering that Martha was with someone else before this, a fiancé. Someone named Tom Milligan...  
  
A Smith and Jones pair... only difference now, that 'Smith' was not him. It was Mickey.  
  
Yes, it was odd that Mickey and Martha ended up together... and Rose and  _him_ as well. Perhaps he should be glad that things had turned out like this.  
  
Yet, right now to say goodbye to them so suddenly...  
  
xxx  
  
As sparks flew all around her, Martha dashed towards her husband as they bickered again over her stubbornness and madness on insisting to join him on this little _adventure_ with the Sontarans. Well, it has now been second nature to her... how could she stop running around making a difference to the world after everything that they have gone through? Even if she had left the Doctor for quite a while, she never stopped following the path _he_ had started her on ever since she first met him.  
  
There was no way she could _ever_ settle down like any other _normal_ women on this earth...   
  
As Martha tried to focus on the things that Mickey was explaining to her, suddenly she felt a presence. Something... something _important_  was about to happen— _is_ happening—right now as she turned her head around, until she found what—who—it was she was looking for.  
  
And then she found him. She immediately alerted Mickey about it as she kept watching _him_ —standing still from the platform and not saying anything, _just_ watching over them in silence. At first she smiled at the thought she was seeing him again before... an unknown dread washed over her.  
  
The Doctor remained standing... and watching them without saying a word, yet it felt as if he _did_ say something. Many... _many_ words... and emotions...   
  
And then he walked away, just as silently. She heard Mickey let out a gasp, perhaps he felt it as well. She felt her husband pulling her close towards him, embracing her... holding her tightly. She tried to not let herself cry— _willed_ herself not to—as the thoughts slowly sank in.  
  
This would be the last time she would be seeing _her_ Doctor. The _last_ time. He came to say his goodbyes.  
  
A part of her had wondered what happened. Did this have anything to do with whatever it was that happened a few days ago that she had no recollection of? Because the only thing she remembered was seeing the approach of a great big planet—was it Gallifrey? The appearance of the planet _did_ looked like something he used to describe his home planet—before it suddenly vanished. There was a lot of panic being spread around at that time...  
  
But what it had to do with the Doctor coming to say his goodbyes? Had he gotten himself hurt? Was he... _dying_ ? Oh god no... but what else it could be? She knew about the Time Lord's ability to regenerate; Jack had told her about it, as well as stories about the _previous_ versions of the Doctor and she saw herself how Proffessor Yana—the Master—had regenerate into a different _Master_ , yet she never thought it could happen to the Doctor. Even if the Doctor _had_ regenerated into many other incarnation before. She just could not imagine...  
  
Martha thought about the things that had happened to her ever since meeting the Doctor. How much of her life had changed... she would not have had met Tom, Mickey... Jack, and many other people if she have not known _this_ Doctor. Her life would have been a lot different if she have not...   
  
So if this was really a _goodbye_... if the Doctor really had going to regenerate into someone totally different after this...  
  
Everything suddenly started crashing down on her.  
  
And finally, Martha wept.  


* * *

  
The Time Lord watched the young boy silently, as Luke was rapidly chatting to whoever it was on the phone before crossing the road carelessly. He shook his head before dashing towards the young boy, just in time to save him from being hit by a passing car to his death. He gave the boy a reprimanding look before walking away.  
  
Luke could barely think of any other thoughts as he ran and called for his mother.  
  
"It's the Doctor!"  
  
Sarah Jane walked out in alarm as Luke pointed his hand towards the blue police box. Where a lone man had been standing and looking at her without uttering a single word. She caught her breath. She recalled that other time when they have last seen each other that the Doctor _said_ that he would again come to see her. She never thought there was any meaning towards it, yet now... she wondered if it had been a premonition. Or even if the Doctor never thought to say it as one but perhaps he realized that this day would finally dawn on him.  
  
Because Sarah Jane could sense it. She always believed that should anything... happened to the Doctor, she would _definitely_ feel it. Because feeling it she did.  
  
Sarah Jane continued to watch the Doctor as he also paused to take a good look of her before parting. Yes, this would be the last time she would meet the Doctor. At least in _this_ appearance. That was as much as she could tell. She willed herself to stand strong for _her_ Doctor's sake. He did after all last time when she had insisted that they should say their goodbyes properly...  
  
Ever since meeting the Doctor, Sarah Jane had seen and done many things she never thought she could have done in her life. She could not have imagined how it could be if she was not the person she was right now, the Sarah-Jane who used to travel the space and time with the Doctor. Yet, she could not always clung to the man forever. And she _knew_ , that it should be the same as with the Doctor. It had dawned to her last time, on what was the real reason the Doctor had left her without any word... making her think that he had died, all those many years ago. Even the Doctor must have felt it very hard to let go of the people he loved... and cared. Fancy to think that the Doctor tried to properly say his goodbyes to those precious to him now, he never bothered much about it last time... when she was still very young. Always trying to avoid the last parting moments.  
  
He must have been feeling so scared right now so much that he would do as much as this, she thought as Sarah Jane tried to smile at him.   
  
" _Don't worry about me, we'll be fine here,"_  she tried to convey her thoughts as it seemed that the Doctor might have gotten it. The Doctor waved his hand before entering the TARDIS.  
  
xxx  
  
As she watched the TARDIS disappearing from view, Sarah Jane pulled Luke closed to her. Luke gasped as he started asking her if there was something wrong with her... or the Doctor. She shrugged as she kissed her son. She stared longingly towards the vanishing blue box before it completely disappeared from view.  
  
She sighed to herself.  
  
" _Goodbye... Doctor. Till we meet again."_


	3. Captain Jack Harkness

Finding Captain Jack Harkness proved to be a bit tricky. Especially seeing that the man has not been idle at one place for a long time; enough for him to catch him, and he did not a lot of time to play hide and seek. So, since he _knew_ that at one point in time Jack will set off to space; he might as well cut it to the chase and meet Jack a bit  _further_ into the future.  
  
The Doctor sighed. The amount of work Jack Harkness put him on _just_ to meet him.  
  
Then again, he could not fault the man for the actions he took. For running away. Must have been hard for him. He _has_ been watching. Watching and not doing anything during the time of the arrival of the aliens the humans called 456. Because he _knew_ that if there was any moment in time that a Time Lord should not interfere with, those times and events has been one of it. Not because this event with the 456 could be considered a fixed point in time, but because there was nothing that he could do about it. That was the human's problem and something that even him would not have the power to solve. He has no right to judge who gets to live or die—that would be breaching the forbidden rule—even if he really _did_ want to save Jack's grandson's life.  
  
No one have a right to judge who gets to live or die. Not even a Time Lord. He has learnt that lesson at a great price after all.  
  
In a way, it seemed that the both them has inadvertently been cursed with a similar fate. Not being able to die like how _normal_ creatures do and having to face the losses of the people they cared and having to make hard decisions that could affect so many people at the cost of their own sanity. Having to _watch_ in helplessness. As well as being cursed to forever _live_ in loneliness.  
  
Perhaps he could even dared saying, that of all of the companions he had—not counting the other Time Lords and Ladies—Jack Harkness might have been the only one amongst them who could truly understand him when he said that it was not good to have _lived too long_. Because it was _hard_. It was hard to just watch and do nothing, yet when you actually did something it always require you to sacrifice something else that was equally important in order to keep the balance. Perhaps he was not meant to be a Time Lord and Jack Harkness was not meant to be a human being. But then, what else could they be?  
  
That aside, a lot of the things Jack has done paralleled a lot with his own. There were a lot of things Jack had done, good and bad... that have affected many things in this world. Yet, despite any of the outcomes... in the end, Jack has done what he thinks was for the best. Same as himself.  
  
Had he not sacrifice Gallifrey and placed them inside a Time-Lock and inadvertently destroyed it and everyone on it as well as the opposing enemies during the Time War; the rest of the universe might not have been able to survive. If Jack had not sacrifice Steven, then all of the children that have been chosen as an offering to the 456 would have been lost!  
  
How fate had been harsh on them... on _Jack_.  
  
Had he not meet Jack back then during his ninth incarnation, would the same Jack be around leading Torchwood and helping out to protect Earth and the Universe as he did now? Probably not.  
  
The Doctor looked around the bar until he caught sight of the captain, drinking alone by himself to wallow in his sorrows. A pity he could not stay for long with the good captain, considering his current predicament. No, even if it was possible... he did not want to have Jack witnessed his _death._ He wished he would not have to meet Jack again, especially with a different appearance and personality—he did not feel that his next incarnation would be similar to his current and ninth incarnation. He did not want to see his former companions being sad because of him. That was his selfishness. After all, he had seen _some_ reactions from people when they found out that he changed since they last saw him. Few of the recent ones have been from Rose, Harriet Jones, Sarah-Jane and Jack—even if Jack was actually amused by the current _him_. He never really thought himself to be _that_ cheeky since his last incarnation. But he did not think they would always be able to remain calm every time they met a new _him_. He has not the hearts to break _their_ hearts like that. It was already enough that parting with them broke his own every time. Plus, having met Professor River Song that other time, he knew that such things would always hurt. How could you be happy to meet the person you knew so well, yet when the time came you found out that the person you met have changed into someone you were not familiar with? No, he would not want that. He would not want that to happen to his _friends_.  
  
He suddenly let out a gasp as he caught sight of _another_ familiar person. He hurriedly greeted the person before subtly hinted to the man to take his drink at the corner of the bar where a certain Captain Jack Harkness was sitting. He took a piece of paper from his pocket before writing the name of the man and told a bartender to give it to Jack.  
  
He smiled weakly as Jack looked up to see him.  


* * *

  
His heart gave a mighty leap as he saw the Doctor standing—kinda—in front of him. It was a bit of a stretch... but he _did_ missed the Doctor so, and he still loved the Time Lord dearly. He frowned as the Doctor made no move to come closer before making a gesture for him to look at the note he gave him earlier.  
  
'His _name is Alonso_ '  
  
Jack looked up towards the Doctor in surprise as he wondered what the Doctor was thinking. Was the Doctor actually trying to matchmake him or something? Was he trying to tell him something—no, he should not recall _those_ memories. _Those_ still hurt to think about until now.  
  
He stared at him in confusion before the Doctor gestured for him to look to his left. That was... odd. Why suddenly this exchange—Jack tried to give the Doctor a stern glare as if somehow he could give the Time Lord an angry psychic message. Is he trying to give him the shrug off or something...  
  
Jack suddenly sensed something as he could feel someone else taking a seat beside him—right at the direction the Doctor was gesturing at. He turned and almost let out a gasp of surprise. He frowned.  
  
No, this man was _not_ Ianto though he could have sworn he saw Ianto on the man's face before his eyes readjusted themselves.  
  
He turned back towards the Doctor as the man smiled and casually gave him a mock salute. Jack returned the gesture before watching the Time Lord walk away, hanging his head down. Looking at the way the Time Lord had been staring at him earlier, he knew that this was meant to be a their _last_ goodbye. Kinda. Probably the last of _this_ Doctor's meeting him in his own confusing timeline.  
  
At least _this_ was better than the last time they parted ways—with the Doctor's ninth incarnation. At least this time they would part on good terms, regardless of what the Doctor thought of him for being a _fixed point_ in time. He was already satisfied that the Doctor still considered him to be part of _his_ important companions. He wondered if he could see the Doctor again—in his other incarnations aside from this one. Not counting his past versions after all—all these time-travelling could be so tricky. But it could be interesting if they could still meet again. No matter what, he would treat this goodbye as if it was _really_ the last time he would ever meet the Doctor. The Tenth incarnation... of course.  
  
Well, who knows he could still meet the Doctor again who was slightly bit younger than the one who had just walked away...  
  
Jack hung his head low before lifting his head up again. To think that he has been hoping to give the man at least _one_ goodbye kiss. That man... _always_ finding ways to give him a slip.  
  
Jack sighed, as he turned his head towards Alonso. The young man did not look so bad but not really _unattractive_. He was certainly _not_ Ianto—but maybe he should not judge so soon—yet, it would not hurt to get to know him. This Alonso seemed to be quite cute as well...  
  
"So Alonso..." The young man gave him a puzzled look as Jack grinned, "...going my way?"  
  
"How'd you know my name?"  
  
Jack rolled his eyes before shrugging, "Cos I'm kinda psychic!" he said as Alonso seemed to take the bait. He gave the man a nervous laugh before flirting a bit more with him. Jack chuckled as he thought he saw a bit of Ianto in Alonso. He chuckled again before finishing his drink, noticing that _Alonso_ has been watching him with interest.  
  
Well, after everything that happened... a part of him _might_ be a bit wary to start on another relationship but it should not hurt to try... right? But funny that the Doctor would do something like this for him. He might have found out what happened... with Torchwood and everything. Probably doing this as an apology for not being able to be around to help... though Jack did not blame him. A lot of things happened to them and just when he thought the matter with 456 was over, there was that news about the Master reappearing again.  
  
He has been hanging around Switzerland when it happened; the Master reviving and the whole fuss about it. It puzzled him that he was not being converted along to being another _Master clone_  but that was probably because he was a fixed point in time. Then again, not like he could do anything to help; being so far and alone and surrounded by enemies. He even caught a transmission off-space saying that Sol 3 was a dangerous place at the time. He has no choice but to hide... at least until the transformation was  _somehow_ reversed. And then there was that appearance of a planet towards Earth that might have been Gallifrey herself.  
  
Anyway, things went back to normal though he wondered at what price? Jack glanced back towards the direction where he last seen the Doctor standing.  
  
" _Goodbye... Doctor, and stay safe..._ ", he thought before turning back his attention towards Alonso...


	4. Joan Redfern and Verity Newman

'The Journal of Impossible Things'   
  
The Doctor could not help but smile at the title. It was the same title he put on his diary when he had written out his dreams, back when he turned himself human. He never thought Joan would write her  _own_ journal of impossible things, much less wrote anything related to that particular year and events.   
  
He never thought Joan would even want to remember  _anything_  about him—the last time they saw each other Joan had made it clear that she did not want to have anything to do with him, much less becoming his companion and travel together across time and space. He had thought that Joan had resented him... for not being able to just be her  _normal_  Professor John Smith and not some otherworldly Time Lord from a faraway universe and time. Because even if he and  _that_  John Smith were not the same person that she knew well, both of  _them_  were—are—the same person. He may not have been able to truly loved her as John Smith did... but he did care for her.   
  
But perhaps, Joan did not want that kind of life. After all, indirectly he  _killed_  John by reverting to his real self.   
  
The Doctor smiled disarmingly at the cashier as he paid for the book on his hand—Geoffrey Noble had been a bit more  _generous_  in giving him some money for the favour he had asked, so why not use the remaining money to buy this book? He stared at the book.   
  
It was not  _just_  the title, but the image of the fob watch on the cover was also the same. The Doctor felt a prick in his hearts as he wondered about the things that had been written in this book. Dared he want to read what the contents laid in store for him? Could he bear finding out what happened to Joan Redfern since the last time he saw her alive? Dare he read whatever thoughts or resentments Joan had against him that may be contained inside this book?   
  
A part of him was scared to find out, as he remembered what Joan used to tell him. If he had not come to the year 1913 and popped up into Farringham School for boys to hide in and ended up meeting and falling in love with Joan; could things had happened differently to that place? Could Joan's life be different and happier had she not  _met_  him? If he have not come to that place, many lives would have been spared from the attack by the Family of Blood.   
  
Yet, if he and Martha have not come there... he would not have met Timothy Latimer, and of all the people who would have still be alive from that time; Timothy would have argued that there was something good for them to have come to that place and time. Meeting him had changed Timothy, that should be the same for Joan.   
  
He wondered if Joan would think of the same thing. If not, why else would she have written all these things in her diary? Because looking at the synopsis of the book, it did looked like Joan was writing about the incident back in 1913; from the moment  _John Smith_  had entered Joan Redfern's life until the moment he returned to being the 'Doctor'. Or would he be so wrong to think... that it could be possible that Joan had also included some of the things  _he_  himself had written back then? She did, after all had his own 'journal of impossible things'.   
  
"Are you sure the things written in this book had been real? Or did you just made up these  _amazing_  and bizarre stories to sell it to people?"   
  
The Doctor looked up towards the corner of the bookshop where a man was standing before a table, talking to Miss Verity Newman who was there for the book signing and promotion of her book. The young woman shook her head, gosh... she looked almost exactly like her great-grandmother.   
  
"No... it was not just a story—"   
  
Verity Newman started telling the customer about how she had found her great-grandmother's diary in the loft and talking about Joan as to how she used to have met a  _man_  who was not as he appeared to be. The Doctor had smiled at it before walking up towards the table and putting down the book for her to sign on...   
  
\-------------------------------   
  
"Was she happy... in the end?" The man standing before her had given her the saddest look she had ever seen.   
  
"Yes, yes... she was,"   
  
Verity nodded nervously as the man standing before her remained quiet. Yes, her great-grandmother  _had_ been happy since then. Marrying her great-grandfather after so long being widowed... and sired her grandmother who in turn sired her mother... And how she had listened from her mother; of times when her great-grandmother used to tell her all of these amazing stories when she was still a little girl.   
  
Yet, her mother used to also remember that faraway look her great-grandmother gave at times she thought nobody was looking. From listening to her mother's stories, she could tell that her grandmother had  _still_ missed 'John Smith'. In fact, her own name was given by her great-grandmother; who named her after the name of 'John Smith's mother'. John Smith might have been a  _fictional_  person, but to her he's very real. She still kept John Smith's journal about the Doctor's adventure, so that should mean she did not resent the Doctor so much to throw the diary away. Because if the Doctor had not came to Farringham, she wouldn't have met John Smith.   
  
That aside, the stories she heard sounded like lovely pieces of memories. It sounded so amazing that she had gone up to the loft to search for this diary of her great-grandmother to find out if it was  _really_  true.   
  
Though, she wondered if the Doctor had been living well since then.   
  
"Were  _you_  happy?" she asked in return. The Doctor did looked quite handsome himself and she had no doubt that this was the same man her great-grandmother had fallen in love to, and she was not surprised about it.   
  
The Doctor gave her a sad smile before leaving, taking the book away without another word. Verity's heart catched as she thought she felt the unspoken emotion emanating from the man, touching her soul. She wondered what lie underneath that sad smile, wondering how the world and the people that lived in them looked from the eyes of such a man. She wondered if there could be an even sadder person than the one walking away from the shop right now.   
  
She watched with heavy heart as the Doctor walked out of the bookshop alone.   
  
She recalled her mother telling her how her great-grandmother had voiced her regrets to have to make John Smith remembered who he truly was. To have to  _kill_  him in order to bring the Doctor back, even if it was the right decision. Her mother recalled hearing her great-grandmother saying it being the greatest sacrifice she ever made, in order to save everyone. Her mother had also told her how painful it was for Joan to see the  _anguish_  of the man  _she_  loved over not wanting to revert back into being the Time Lord he was, just because  _he_  was reluctant to let  _her_  go...   
  
She remembered how her mother used to say, that it would have been better off if the Doctor had never met her great-grandmother, as it had been clear that their meeting had changed her great-grandmother for life. Yet, she beg to disagree. She thought it had been good that the Doctor met Joan, god knows how she could have turned out had her great-grandmother had been different. Her grandmother and mother would have been brought up with a different value and she herself might not have started to become a writer; as well as she would not have been driven to look for a long lost diary and learnt on the many amazing tales of the Doctor.   
  
She had found  _John Smith's_  diary alongside Joan's, and the things written inside it had been wondrously adventurous as well as amazing. She had wondered then if she could have also meet the Doctor herself. Yet now that she met him, she wondered how that could affect her thoughts about the stranger who affected her family so much.   
  
Verity sighed. Somehow she wished for all things good for the sad looking Doctor. Because not all bad things comes to the people who had the rare chance to meet him...


	5. Donna Noble

Donna Noble. His second-last companion—if Wilfred could be considered his last—as well as one of his best friend in this current incarnation. Such a lively young woman... as well as an enjoyable person to be with. He could not imagined himself, how he would be—if he had never have met Donna. Or maybe... he could, considering Donna had for a moment seen the world where she had never met him.  _That_  world ended up ending a bit more sooner than it had, seeing if he had  _died_  then... he would not have been able to stop many of the invaders that would have come to threaten the Earth—and the Universe—after that.   
  
Yet, he wondered if Donna have not have triggered a meta-crisis of himself... would things be happening differently for her? No... it would not. She would have  _still_  die, alongside his TARDIS and the world would _still_  end. With or without the reality bomb.   
  
Then again if she have not triggered the meta-crisis, he would not have been so attached to this current form of himself. The Doctor snorted. Hah. How fate seemed to always like to test him on many things.   
  
Donna...   
  
How much had this woman affected his life so far? Not to mention her grandfather...   
  
He shook his head as he tried to focus his thoughts on his best mate only. Donna had done a lot for him, and the last thing he had done for her was erase her memories—even if  _that_  saved her life—and put her back to living the mundane life she had always lived in... and resented. He wondered if he could do something else to amend for that. Donna  _had_  been devastated when she realised what he had been planning to do to save her life...   
  
The Doctor remembered the many times Donna had mentioned about her dream life, of how her wedding would be—at least much better than when she had almost married Lance—of that  _dream_  she had back at the Library. For once, since their last parting... the Doctor wanted to give something good to his best mate. Something... that she could consciously appreciate and treasure. Something that she would be able to keep, unlike the fond memories they had together that he had to seal off in the deepest corner of Donna's mind.   
  
Yet the Doctor had nothing of value to give to Donna, nothing that could provide some help to make Donna's life a lot better. Because the only thing that he could have given her—of which he did—was the experience of a lifetime, travelling the world and space and time and making things better for the universe. An experience that have—and did—changed Donna into becoming an amazing person that he ever had the chance to know and met. And something... that he unfortunately could not allow her to remember again for fear of causing her to lose her life. Prematurely.   
  
The heartache that he could never mend. Yet, he supposed  _that_  have been predestined to be. Dalek Caan should have known. It was already hinted that he would be losing one of his greatest companions... which initially he thought was referring to Harriet Jones. It must have known it would have happened like that... down to the very decision of his other half in fulfilling the prophesy of the Dalek's demise.   
  
If only he had something to give to Donna. Because this would be the last chance where he could do it. He had an inkling it would be  _easier_ for him to stay apart from Donna once he regenerated. Because he doubted any other incarnations of him; past or future, would ever be as sentimental and emotional as he. Haha.   
  
Yet... it was back to square one. He had  _nothing_  of value to give to Donna. No money... no treasures, those where useless to be kept inside the TARDIS after all. And not like he had any other  _permanent_  residence to stow all that away.   
  
"Oh!" he gasped. There was a way!   
  
The Doctor went back to the TARDIS's computer as he looked up on some of the not so distant future of the present Earth's data. Ah, there it was... the winning lottery ticket. And oooh, the winning prize was not so small an amount either. Surprising that no one prior to this had been able to cash out on the winning number. Lucky  _him_ .   
  
Although doing it like this might sound like cheating and misusing his powers... but who cares? Not as if he was going to use the money to fund on something  _bad_ . This was for Donna! She always did say she wanted to someday win the lottery in some form...   
  
Now... if only he had some quid to buy this winning lottery number, he thought, before setting the TARDIS's destination a bit back into the past.   
  
\---------------   
  
Donna Noble laughed as she continued entertaining her guests; her family, new and old... and friends. Today had been such a great day, finally being married to a good man and having the time of her life...   
  
Yet, she felt as if there was something—someone?—missing. For some reason she was feeling that something was off... have she gotten herself—almost?—married before? She did feel as if someone had mentioned that in passing before. But when she asked, no one seemed to want to talk about it again. And giving her the pitying look!   
  
Did something happened before, that made her life better? Had she met someone wonderful before, that has changed her life for the better? She shook her head hastily as Donna glanced around to greet the new arrivals. No, there seemed to be nothing in her mind to make her recall something to have made her think it so. Yet... there was still something lurking there, in the shadows.   
  
It still annoyed her that she kept missing out on the current events. That must be it...   
  
Ah, she wished her father was still alive to see this day. Her mother had been happy for her... her grandfather, was strangely  _too_  emotional _today_ . Did something happened today—besides from her getting married of course.   
  
Donna took out the lottery ticket she received from the  _mysterious person_  her grandfather refused to tell her who . She frowned at it. Quite a  _cheap_  wedding gift she had to say so herself, yet... if by some odd chance this  _was_  a winning ticket, then why for all reasoning should this unknown person gave her such a precious gift? I mean... everyone would have jumped at the thought of getting  _the_  winning lottery ticket for the season, why had this person give up the prize to let her have it instead? Have she done something good for the person? She honestly could not remember  _when_  it could have happened!   
  
Donna sighed. Suddenly she recalled the silhouette of that single man who happened to be present earlier at the park. The man had not made her recall anything in peculiar, yet she felt that his presence in her wedding celebration was  _right_ . Not like she specifically said that she did not want any strangers attending her wedding—but...   
  
It felt as if she  _should_  have had that man staying _longer_  for the rest of the celebration of her great day. She _should_  have had that man be _part_  of her  _guest_  list...   
  
Especially since that man had looked a tad bit  _sad_ . For some reason—now—she felt that she did not like to see that man be sad. Even if she had no recollection of knowing that man. Peculiar.   
  
It felt as if she had lost a very  _precious_  friend, yet she knew she had invited every single friend she had known all her life to her wedding—and all of them attended. She frowned.   
  
" _I'm sorry for your loss..."_   
  
Suddenly she recalled something  _someone_  must have said to her... though she could not recall  _when_  did that someone said it to her. Loss? What loss? Had she lost something?   
  
Donna glanced back towards the lottery ticket in her hand before stuffing it back inside her dress. Yes, she would definitely try to see if this ticket  _did_  win her something... and even if she won nothing, she would frame this one ticket and keep it as one of her precious mementos. Because she felt that this gift  _did_  come from a  _very_  special person.


	6. Rose Tyler and John Smith

Rose Tyler.   
  
The woman he never thought he could be so attached to, so in love with... regardless of many other women companions he had ever had in his whole life. Yet... there was  _another_ , though he supposed now that the  _Doctor_  that Professor River Song had referred to was not him but the one he would change into... soon. Hmm...   
  
He thought he was strong enough to be able to let her go—because honestly, despite everything there was still the fact that he was a Time Lord and she was a human and Time Lords aged much more slowly compared to humans—their relationship would not have been able to turn out well, either. It would have  _still_  hurt Rose if she remained by his side, it had been hard for Sarah Jane and he did not want Rose to face that kind of thing either. No matter if he  _himself_ wanted to remain with Rose again. She would be hurt—no, _both_  of them would be hurt by this.   
  
Yet, when his meta-crisis happened... it gave him—or at least a part of him—a chance to pursue a life with Rose, even if he was not... really _him_ . How strange his fate with Rose had been.   
  
If Rose have never met him... if he had never met Rose, things would have been very  _very_  different right now. He could not imagine how much being with Rose had changed him... made him be who he was right now. As much as he could not imagine how being with him had changed Rose throughout their journeys together.   
  
The Doctor sighed to himself as he waited at the corner of the street. If it had been possible for him to cross into the parallel world for just a short while, he would have done it. Yet he  _knew_  he could not because Rose would have certainly tried to stop him from leaving and it would be difficult to again to say his goodbyes to  _them_ . Even if he  _had_  wanted to desperately say his goodbyes to her... and especially to his other half. Because after this,  _he_  would be all that was left of his current tenth incarnation self. After this, he would no longer be  _him_ . Hopefully Rose could take care of  _him_  very well. And even if could not be possible, he wished that he could just leave the current him and be reunited with his other self... however unlikely that option was.   
  
Sounds of footsteps suddenly caught his attention as he saw both Jackie and younger Rose walking up towards his direction, chatting about unimportant things. He smiled weakly as he eyed Rose fondly from his position. As he watched Rose heading slowly towards her own apartment, he thought he could just take his leave before the pain started to come back to assault his weakening body.   
  
That caught  _this_  Rose's attention as the Doctor tried his best to not appear in pain, but as just another passer-by who had a bit more of a drink than he should. He asked her of the date of the current time he was in, even though he knew it already what time period he was in. He had set it to be just before the time his ninth incarnation would make his appearance before Rose, so that his path and his past self's would not cross each other. He recalled all of the adventures he had with Rose back when he used to be in his ninth incarnation as well as his current incarnation; they sure had a lot of good memories between them, barring a few unpleasant and hurtful ones.   
  
"I bet you'll have a very good time this year," he said as he watched her leave. She would not have been able to remember  _this_  meeting in the long run, but it did not matter. Rose would always have the other him by her side and that should be fine. He wished for her to always be happy... until the end.   
  
The Doctor turned towards the direction where he last parked the TARDIS, before struggling to walk towards it.   
  
Here goes nothing. Finally the hardest part...   
  
\---------------------   
  
Rose looked up as she noticed John started twitching again in his sleep. Perhaps he was having another dream involving the original Doctor again. She smiled weakly before trying to give her reassurance towards the sleeping man that everything onwards would be all right for the two of them. It have to be, for all of their sakes. Yes, she still misses the old Doctor... as well as her old friends and companions that she had left back on her original world—part of her was also dreading the day when she would meet the parallel versions of  _them_  here—but she also realized that she felt the same way for John as she would for the original Doctor. And if the original Doctor had already changed into a new one, the more important it was for her to cherish  _this_  Doctor of hers. Her beloved John Smith.   
  
If she was to lose John as well, she could not imagine how she could cope with it. Who knows what kind of appearance the new Doctor would have had now or what kind of personality would come with the new person. There was no guarantee that he would remain the same person as the Doctor of the previous incarnation, even if he  _had_  the same memories. No guarantee that she would even be able to  _like_  the new Doctor as she did John and  _her_  Doctor. It would be as painful as it could have been if John was to have suddenly lost all of his memories and became a new person—even if his face did not change. Or if he had to suddenly  _die_ . She did not think her heart was strong enough to face that notion...   
  
The Doctor... and John had been the  _best_  thing that have ever happened to her life. She could not imagine how her life could have been like if she never have met the Doctor. A life without knowing the Doctor, what kind of life would that be? She had seen so much throughout her journeys with the Doctor, the experience had changed her a lot... in many ways. She doubted she could have been as  _strong_  as the Doctor had thought, when he said he entrusted John to her... if she had never met the Doctor. The Doctor had changed her life for so much...   
  
Rose turned her attention towards the sleeping John Smith. If John really  _was_  the Doctor and not just a recreation of him, if the Doctor had never met her... what could that Doctor turned out to be?   
  
_"That was **me**  back when I first met you."_   
  
_"You made me **better**...!"_   
  
Perhaps she could  _finally_  understand his reasoning, for leaving her behind. That silly idiot... until the end he still wanted to make her happy. Since there was something that only John could do that the Doctor could not. Same as when he first decided to send her into Pete's world, because he knew that she could not bear it to part with her mother. And he knew it would be hard for her mother to part again with Pete.   
  
Rose suddenly started kissing John in his sleep, regardless of whether or not he was even aware of her touch. Maybe she could  _finally_  be able to bid her goodbyes to the Doctor who left her, but she could not let herself part with  _her_  John.   
  
No, as long as John was with her...  _her_  Doctor would always remained alive in her heart. Because John and  _her_  Doctor will always and forever be one and the same. And she hoped that wherever the Doctor  _is_  now, he could also be able to find his happiness.


End file.
